


Heiress without honour

by Name_Surname



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: AU Clifford is alive, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bi! Veronica, Cheryl centric, Cheryl is slightly ooc at times, Child Neglect, Diary/Journal, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, I set it in the 00s cause why not, Internalized Homophobia, Multi, Negative view on therapy, Sad Cheryl, Therapy, Underage Drinking, conversion therapy, sad Toni
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-03-09 01:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13471146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Name_Surname/pseuds/Name_Surname
Summary: Clifford and Penelope cannot have their only surviving heir tarnishing their family name by gallivanting around with some serpent girl. Cheryl wants to please her family but she can't help but be drawn towards the pink haired diva who barged in and stole her single room at the beginning of senior year and she can see herself really liking this girl, even if she is from the wrong side of the tracks. It’s a shame her parents are hell bent on making sure Cheryl stays in line to take over the family business.CHONI/CHERONI BOARDING SCHOOL AU





	1. 14th of April 2004

**Author's Note:**

> TW: This fic does contain implied/referenced homophobia as well as Cheryl's own internalised homophobia. It also contains elements of conversion therapy. If any of this triggers you I would recommend not reading it. I will post a TW before each chapters where these elements are at play.
> 
> The fic is told in 3 different parts. We start the fic in middle of the storyline, more of the past is unfolded through journal entries. Cheryl is the focal character of the piece and everything we know about Toni we learn through her. So there is a bit of rose colored glasses at play.
> 
> Toni lives with her aunt and uncle is the piece and we learn more about her past as the piece unfolds.
> 
> I also head cannon that Toni’s full name is Antonina
> 
> Hope you enjoy  
> Trigger Warning**Chapter One has some mild/referenced homophobia

We sat awkwardly in the principal's office, heads hung in embarrassment, my hair curtained my bright red face. Well at least I had, Toni almost seemed proud. There was a smug smile on her face, her lips sloppily stained red from mine. I don’t want to begin to imagine the state of the lipstick on my own face. I stared down at my lap more intensely than before. Oh God this is a nightmare!

 

I would never have been in this mess 6 months ago. I never would have even associated with Toni 6 months ago. It does look odd though, the (probably soon-to-be former) heiress to the Blossom fortune slumming it with some serpent girl who definitely did  _ not  _ belong in Quiet Mercy prep. I don’t think I do either anymore. The more time I spent with her the more I’ve realised everything before was such a trivial thing. Being with Toni feels surreal, I’ve never felt more myself than when I’m around her. Nothing else matters, only me and her.  Even though I’m embarrassed we got caught and terrified of the repercussions, I’d never take any of it back. I really like her. Really,  _ really  _ like her.

 

Mom is going to kill me!

 

I dared a look up at principal Rodwell. Her face was twisted into a tight knot. She didn’t seem to know what to do either. The secretary was fleeting around behind her grabbing files from the cabinet. Her elbows bent at an angle, like she was imitating a chicken dance, almost. She was going to call my parents no doubt, and Toni’s aunt. I considered briefly grabbing Toni’s hand and running away from it all. From the consequences, the school, our families. I knew that she’d agree, she always talked about going back to Riverdale. As much as she can’t stand her aunt, she adores her friends. Her gang. I’ve seen her tattoo dozens of times. It’s hidden by the school uniform though. I doubt they even know she has one. (Tattoos and piercings are one giant no here). The idea was ludacris -at best- the school pays a lot of money each year for state of the art surveillance. A guard mans the main gate. We have to apply 24 hours (with parental approval) before we want to leave the school premises. They’re a bit more lax with us now that we are the older end of the school but you still put through an awful vetting process of  _ ‘When will you be back?’ ‘What are you leaving the grounds for?’ ‘Are your tutors aware of this?’.  _ It would never work in that time frame. 

 

“Ladies I’m sure you aware that this behaviour is extremely prohibited. Our school has a strict stance of PDA. Seeing as you are both minors we have no other choice but to call your parents - _ erm,  _ guardians.”  Miss Rodwell finally spoke, she fumbled a bit but her tone was clear. Her hands were tied. 

 

“What’s a kiss between friends, miss? I don’t see the need to bring my aunt into this.” Toni stated leaning back into her chair. She crossed her arms over themselves and tossed one leg over the other. The navy and white tartan school skirt inched up her thigh revealing more of her leg. It caught my gaze and I stupidly stared at it. 

Miss Rodwell coughed snapping my gaze back towards her. She had a shrewd look about her, there was no use in lying to her she could see exactly what was happening. I averted my gaze back to my lap again.

 

“Now Miss Topaz I do pity your cause, I really do but my hands are tied here. The pair of you broke the code of conduct - more than once I might add. I’ve let it slide one to many times. I’ve heard many reports from other students of these  _ sightings _ but I’m drawing the line here. Before there was no evidence but a member of faculty saw you with their own eyes. I can’t have you doing this sort of thing in the school grounds where anyone can see you.” Miss Rodwell explained calmly.

 

“Miss you cannot tell my parents.” I told her with certainty. “Please, just report it to the higher ups, suspend us, revoke my status as prefect but please don’t call my parents.” 

 

Miss Rodwell looked at my sympathetically and sighed. She pinched the skin between her brows and sighed. “Miss Blossom I’m sorry but I have to follow proper protocol. I will keep the situation anonymous but I’m afraid your parents do need to be informed of what's happening.”

 

“You can’t just out her like that!” Toni burst outraged. She was glaring at Miss Rodwell angrily, if looks could kill. 

 

“Miss Topaz, I understand you’re-”

 

“No this isn’t fair. You don’t understand! You shouldn’t be allowed to out her like this because of protocol! I’m sure if you caught Cheryl with a guy there wouldn’t be nearly as much histeria around it as there is.” Toni rebutted angrily. Her cheeks were flushed.

 

“Now Miss Topaz I do not appreciate these kind of accusations being thrown around. Miss Blossom if you wish I can give you a half hour to call your parents and break the news to them that way but we are required to work fast.” 

 

I looked over at Toni nervously. She didn’t notice, she was engaged in a serious stardown with Miss Rodwell. (Well a stardown on Toni’s part, Miss Rodwells expression wasn’t half as malicious.) I bit my lip. I didn’t know if my parents would react better if they heard it from me first. I let out a sigh. I gave a slight nod.

 

“We’ll give you a moment.” Miss Rodwell said softly. Toni scoffed from where she sat.

 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Toni declared with a bitter undertone. I looked over at her, she hasn’t seemed to back down from her stardown.

 

“Now Miss Topaz given the recent occurrences I do not feel comfortable in leaving the pair of you alone. We’ll be outside when you’re finished Miss Blossom.” Miss Rodwell told me. She stood from her seat. She had the physique of a doting grandmother in a family centred sitcom. Top-heavy, face drooping with wrinkles, a wide smile (that she wasn’t wearing at that moment) and arms that seemed like they could wrap you up in a giant hug and you would be content to rest your head on her bosom and stay like that. But she held herself like a no-shit-taking-badass-female-lawyer, I knew better than to fight her on this. It was in Toni’s nature to fight though, I wasn’t the least bit surprised that she was putting up a fight. 

 

She stood up begrudgingly from her seat. She looked at me sympathetically. She gave my shoulder a squeeze.  I liked to imagine that if the situation was different she might have been able to do more than just squeeze my shoulder. I looked up at her (which was an odd occurrence since she was so small) and gave her a small smile. 

 

“I’ll be okay.” I told her quietly. Miss Rodwell stood in the doorway growing impatient. 

 

“Ladies.” I heard her call. Toni rolled her eyes and I’m sure if the situation was different I would have too. 

 

“I’m just outside.” Toni told me. I nodded a bit more confident than before.

 

“I can do this.” I whispered to myself. I heard the door shut as they walked into the hall. 

 

My legs started to twitch nervously. I steadied my feet on the ground and reached over the desk to Miss Rodwells phone. I took my time dialing each of the digits of the phone number. I planned out what I was going to say in my head, edited it as I went through it again before eventually hitting the call button.

 

I listened tensley as the phone rang. After 6 rings a voice came through the phone crisp and clear:

 

_ “Blossom residence. Clifford speaking.” _

 

“Daddy, it’s Cheryl.” I said quietly. My hand started to shake and my grip and the receiver tightened. 

_ “Cheryl? Why are you calling? Whose number is this?”  _ He sounded angry and frustrated. The words themselves carried no emotion, if anything they seemed worried but they certainly did not come across that way. I call home once a week, on a friday evening. A call home on a Wednesday afternoon on a unknown number was definitely out of sorts.

 

“There has been an incident at school.” I told him quietly. My fingers began to twirl and coil around the cord of the phone as my head mapped out the possible scenarios for what might happen.

 

_ “Oh, what is she after doing now?”  _ I heard my mother's voice drown in the background. I tensed a bit my shaking limbs halting for just a moment. 

 

_ “What sort of incident?”  _ My father asked clearly.

 

“Inappropriate behaviour with another student.” My voice was barely above a whisper. In a normal situation I’d be reprimanded for such an act, Blossoms are to speak clearly and stand tall but the lecture never came. Because he heard exactly what I said and he knew exactly what that meant. There was no leeway. It was an all-girl private school, there was not even a chance that I could still live out their dreams of marrying a man who could  _ contain  _ me.

 

The line was silent, dead air between us.

 

After what felt like an eternity I heard him hmm in distaste. I cringed a little myself.

 

_ “Well I suppose your calling for your mother and I to call down there and fix it for you?”  _ He asked and I heard him sigh.

 

“No.” I mumbled. “I just thought I’d let you know before Miss Rodwell called you.” I told him, right now that idea didn’t seem too good of one. 

 

_ “Is that so?”  _ He asked in a belligerent bemused voice.  _ “Well I suppose I’ll have to sort it out with her then. Oh, honestly Cheryl can you go a month without tarnishing all we’ve worked towards?” _

 

The sorry poured out like it normally does but it was entirely disenguinise. I heard a hmmpf.

 

_ “It’s always sorry with you. No matter, I will fix the subject at hand. We’ll call you later once we’ve rectified the situation. Until then, please Cheryl, for the love of God, keep to yourself and out of trouble. Good bye.”  _

 

He ended the call there. I was actually happy with how the call went. As far as calls to the Blossom residence go it certainly wasn’t the worst.  I placed the receiver back on the hook and let out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding. I stood up on my baby dear legs and walked out of the office.

 

I stepped into the hall. Toni’s head shot up almost immediately. I let her know that the call had gone well with a small nod. Toni seemed to understand my shorthand because she appeared a bit relieved. 

 

“Alright ladies, now under normal situations I would not allow you two back to that dorm together but I am not going to force any other students to swap at such a short notice. I also don’t want any backlash from any parents with the rumours circulating the way they are. I have to trust that no funny business is going to happen. Sit there and wait for me to call you back after we’ve decided on what to do about this situation.” Miss Rodwell told us.

 

Toni didn’t try to argue with her which I was glad about but her face did contort and her eyes started doing gymnastics when Miss Rodwell uttered   _ “Funny business”.  _ I didn’t blame her though. We both nodded and scurried out of the hallway,  hard soles hitting of the stone floors, echoing off the high ceilings.

 

The school was near deserted, it was 6. Toni and I missed dinner, I’m sure she’d moan about it when we got back to the dorm and eat handfuls of her cereal. Toni always has at least 3 boxes of cereal in her stash. She never wakes up for the hot breakfast provided so it is a common occurance to see Toni eating dry cereal out of a ziplock bag at the back of class.

 

I saw Toni uncross her arms and let her hand fall dangerously close to mine. She was inviting me to hold it. Normally she confident enough to grab it, even if the hallway is crowded. I guess what happened today shook her up a bit more than she was willing to admit. The dynamic of whatever we had, had changed. 

 

I pretended not to notice her hand. I locked my eyes straight ahead and moved my hands  in front of me and held them together. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Toni cross her arms back over. I didn’t see her face.

 

Toni and I didn’t talk for the entirety of the way back to our room.


	2. 14th of April 2004

We stepped into the room silently. Toni shut the door with her back and leaned against it. We hadn’t spoken a word to each other. I wasn’t too sure if that was a good thing or not. Maybe we had a mutual understanding of what things meant now or maybe we were both too scared of saying anything, petrified that the fantasy we had created would shatter upon realising what had come of it.

I made my way over to my bed and sat on it awkwardly. Toni remained at the door, she seemed deep in thought. I wondered what her aunt would say about all of this. She knew Toni was bi, from what Toni told me she wasn’t very supportive but at least it wasn’t something completely out of the blue for her. I wondered how dad thought he could fix all of this. 

Our room was smaller than most of the other dorms in the school. It was intended to be one of the only 30 single rooms in the school. One of them that I was meant to be privy to seeing as I was a prefect, yet Toni came along. It was pretty stuffy. They didn’t really have much of a choice, the school forbade students of different grade levels rooming together and all the other senior double rooms were full. My name was the lucky draw, I hated it at the time. Now not so much.

I could reach her bed from mine, we hardly had room for the desk that was squished by the door. Originally we were going to be given bunk beds but apparently they are considered a safety hazard. I consider the cramped living quarters to be a bit more of a hazard but not to them. Toni’s bed was unmade from where she woke up this morning. I hate it when she does it, it makes the room feel even smaller somehow. Now wasn’t the time to nitpick though.

“Where your parents mad?” Toni asked. Was that what she spent all that time thinking of?

“Well they weren’t happy.” I answered quietly. “There was no real shouting just the passive aggression us Blossom’s are known for.” 

Toni stepped away from the door and walked towards her bed and sat opposite me. We were nearly the same height when she was sitting. She fixed her headband that was falling down her face and looked at me. 

“Whatever happen you know I’m here for you, right?” She asked looking at me intently. She was too good for me really.

“I know. And I’m here for you too, if things go sour with your aunt and uncle.” I told her making contact with her sweet brown eyes. She gave a small smile, it was a real one though, it made her eyes shine.   
“Let’s not worry about all the stuff that’s happening.” Toni suggested. “Why don’t we just play some of your shitty music and just relax. It might be a while before they summon us. Can we just pretend for the last time that the last 3 hours never happened?” 

Toni frazed it as though it was to help me but I had a feeling it was for her also. I never could really say no to her. 

“Destiny’s child isn’t shitty, take your uncultured opinions elsewhere.” I told her in lew of an agreement. She understood it too because she stood up to plug my iPod into the speakers. She had a goofy smile on her face (it didn’t reach her eyes this time) and plopped back down on her bed. Her bed springs creaked loudly at the sudden impact of her weight. Her pastel hair fanned out around her pillow like a magnificent lion. She closed her eyes in an attempt to relax. She let her hand swing on of the side of her bed. 

I lay down as well, mimicking Toni’s relaxed compuser as best as possible. This time I grabbed her hand. My eyes were closed so I don’t know how she reacted. We lay there silently as Survivor played through the speakers. I could feel Toni’s heartbeat in her hand. It was surprisingly steady.

I tried my best not to think of the events that unfolded today, I really did, but it was the only thing I could see. Coach Donnelley's red face as she caught us in the locker rooms while she was locking up. Normally Toni has super sonic hearing and can hear when people are approaching but apparently she was also too caught in the moment. I’m embarrassed even thinking of it. Donnelley is so far up Miss Rodwell’s ass, it’s no surprise she snitched. She has it out for Toni too because Toni hates gym. I’m not the biggest fan either but I at least make an effort to participate. Toni generally just sulks along the outskirts of a game hoping no one tries to make a pass to her. 

I wonder if they had her make an official statement on what she saw, that’s the kind of stuff that a copy is made of and stuck in your permanent record. This intrusion is going to follow me to college. If I lower my standards and go to a more liberal college maybe it wouldn’t be a problem. Daddy wouldn’t be happy about that though. In Jason’s absence he has really pushed for me to be the best, more so than before. Before it was to uphold the family name, to attract a rich and handsome heir to some other million dollar company and marry him and give him as many children as he desired. To be someones trophy wife really. Now I’m the heir, he wants me to be savvy in the logistics of running the business once he has passed and some community college degree is not going to satisfy that need.

I’m sure he’s going to have it removed from my record. He’ll probably pay it off if he has to. Money is merely an object to him, a tool to get others to do his bidding. It’s twisted in a way but it’s what I’ve grown used to.

Footsteps made there way down the hallway, based solely on the sound of them I suspected it was Miss Rodwell. Toni pulled her hand from mine and sat up right. I tried to ignore the chill that ran through me at the absence of her warm hand. I sat up too and turned the music off. I straightened out the pleats in the school skirt. They’d gotten as wrinkled from me lying in them. A loud knock was heard at the door.

Toni and I weren’t sure if we were meant to answer it. Neither one of us had ever been in a situation like this before. Toni stood cautiously from her bed and looked at me. I gave her a nod. She walked over to the door where principal Rodwell stood. She seemed calmer than before. 

“Alright ladies I’ll keep it brief.” She told us as she stepped in. She left the door open and sat down by our desk. Toni returned to her desk.

“Miss Topaz, your aunt and I both agree that this isn’t a matter we want on your permanent record.” She said talking to Toni directly. Toni nodded in agreement. “She and I both think it’s fit that there be some form of action taken on this matter. I think a weeks detention is a fit punishment don’t you?” She asked looking at Toni.

Toni and I both knew that this was on the lighter side of how this punishment could have gone. Perhaps Donnelley hadn’t gone into the extreme details of what she saw. I knew a weeks suspension could have even been on the table. 

“Yes, Miss. Thank you, Miss.” Toni replied quickly. “So can Cheryl and I still room together?” Toni asked. She was trying to mask the hopeful tone in her voice.

Miss Rodwell appeared a little crestfallen. “I’m afraid not. Miss Blossom, your parents were very adamant on your withdrawal from the school.” 

“But it’s the middle of term?” Toni cried in confusion. 

They’re withdrawing me? I was surprised even though I knew deep down I shouldn’t have been. They never would have allowed me to stay here knowing they couldn’t snip whatever was blooming between Toni and I. 

I probably looked like a stupid fish. My mouth open agape, lipstick still smeared.I looked down at my feet because I couldn’t bare the look of pity Miss Rodwell had plastered all over her ancient face. If anything I pitied her for looking the way she did. I wouldn’t be able to leave the house with a face caked in wrinkles like that. She probably has to clean between her wrinkles extra hard because foundation probably cakes there. She’s filthy! Ugh!

I felt the bed dip beside me. I looked up and the hag was sitting next to me. “It’s okay.” She whispered and pulled me close to her.

It was an odd sensation, I felt like I was being smothered but in a good way. 

It was until I felt Miss Rodwells shirt grow wet that I realised I was crying. Not pretty crying either that movie stars do after they’ve been left by the love of their lives in the pourings of rain. It was ugly, hacking sobs that had me shaking. I coughed and sputtered too. I could feel myself drool a little too. I didn’t have the energy in me to be embarrassed this time. Miss Rodwell was petting my hair soothingly as though I was some lap dog.

I couldn’t see Toni on account that my eyes were shut and each time I opened them fresh tears blurred my vision. I couldn’t hear her squeaky bed frame either. That meant she was probably sitting still just watching all of this unfold. That had to be uncomfortable to watch.

Is hugging your pupils even legal?!

I pulled away after a bit. Everything ached.

“When?” I asked pathetically. How much longer until I get pulled away from here? Back to my big room in my giant house on it’s massive grounds with no one to talk to. How much longer do I have to live in my fantasy that I can have what I want for once? That I amn’t disappointing anyone by being who I am. I’m a disgusting mess.

“Your parents are sending someone to pick you up tomorrow morning.” She told me softly. She was walking around eggshells. She was afraid I was going to burst again. I sat up quickly and wiped my tears. I don’t have time to be making a fool of myself around this woman any longer.

“Okay, thank you for passing along the message.” I managed to tell her. My throat felt scratchy like someone had raked it.

In the corner of my eye I caught a look at Toni, she looked confused and heartbroken. 

“If you want to have a talk about all of this on a more personal level you can come back to my office. It’ll be all purely confidential.” Miss Rodwell offered. I shook my head quickly at the offer.

“No thank you, Miss. I should probably start packing.” I told her sullenly. 

Toni saw her out as I started pulling things out of the closet. 

“They can’t do that. They can’t just pull you away. This isn’t fair!” Toni vented loudly. She started pacing angrily up the small valley between our beds.

“Course they can. They’re my parents, they do whatever they want with no concern for others.” I mumbled dismissively. I threw a bundle of clothes still on their hangars onto the bed.

“This isn’t fair.” Toni repeated quieter. She sat down on her bed once more. “You’re the only fucker I care about here and now you’re fucking off too.” She exclaimed angrily.

I glared at her. “I’m not fucking off. I don’t have a choice!” I barked back at her.

“You know that isn’t what I meant.” Toni mumbled. She was glaring too, at the floor though. WE both had such misdirected anger.

“Whatever.” I mumbled.

We were quiet after that until it was lights out.

At some point during the night I heard her sniffle. I felt like someone had punched a hole through me. I pulled myself out from my bed and slid quietly under her covers. The bedsprings let out their awful song. 

“Please don’t cry.” I begged as I pulled her closer to me. Her back was towards me, she was facing the wall. I hugged her tighter. My nose rested on the top of her head. I took it the smell of her fruity shampoo. I felt her stir. She turned around and faced me. 

I couldn’t see very well in the dark but I could make out the shape of her face. I grabbed her face and use my thumbs to wipe away her tears. Her hand came up to grab mine. We looked each other in the eye, or the best we could in the dark. Toni’s eyes filled back up with tears, she bit her lip and tilted her head down. She was stifling a sob. I hugged her close again, her head resting on my chest. She let her sobs be heard. I felt so helpless. I didn’t know how to stop them.  
At some point I started crying too.


	3. 15th of April2004

The morning came too soon. There wasn’t enough time to say everything I wanted, I wasn’t given enough time to even know what I wanted to say. I wondered if Toni felt the same, that there was so much she needed to say but knew it was better left unspoken.

 

Toni had decided she wasn’t going to classes today. On a normal situation or  _ house mother  _ as they’re affectionately called would come to check on us and see why we weren’t at class. It never really surprised me that no one checked in on her considering the situation that unfolded yesterday. I was grateful for it.

 

I had woken up to a mouthful of her pastel pink hair and I couldn’t even bring myself to be angry about it. 

 

I had slid out from her bed and made sure I had everything packed. Given the short notice I was certain that I would leave something behind.  I heard Toni stir from her bed. The bed gave a loud squeak when she sat up. Her hair was tousled up in the back. Her wide eyes seemed impossibly small and red, probably from the long hours of crying we had spent doing the night previous. I gave her a sad smile. 

 

“It’s morning already.” It was a statement. She didn’t seem to happy in announcing it. I nodded anyway as I double checked the contents of my case.

 

“I wish it wasn’t.” She whispered. I turned around and looked at her sadly.

 

“I don’t want you to start crying again.” I told her. Toni sniffled and nodded. She brushed the hair from her face and joined me on the floor.

 

“Do you want some cereal?” She asked me. Neither of us were in the mood for the hot breakfast. 

 

“Please.” I told her. I tried as best I could to keep my tone neutral. The last thing I needed before I left here forever was to see her upset. Toni lifted the lid to the chest at the foot of her bed and pulled out a box of Apple Jacks and Lucky Charms (void of the marshmallows) . She handed the Apple Jacks over to me. They were my favourite and she knew that. The box was half empty but I suspected that was my doing. Since I had told her they were my favourite I hadn’t seen her frequent the box as much as the other cereals in her collection. I gave her cheeky smile and opened the box up.

 

We ate our cereal in silence. I handed Toni back the box once I felt I’d had enough. I wiped the crumbs and sugar onto my pajama shorts and stood up. I had to look presentable for my parents when they got here, especially considering the circumstances involved. I grabbed the outfit I had laid out on the bed. It was modest and  _ white.  _ Something father would approve of, no doubt. Mother was a bit more fickle than that. She loved it when I wore my heirloom jewellery and the expensive pieces they bought for me at christmas. I never brought any of the expensive jewellery with me to school, there was never anyone to impress before. I did bring my iconic spider brooch with me despite being told to remove it every year for violating the dress code. 

 

I changed quickly and packed away my pajamas. I smoothed out the creases in my dress and took a look in the mirror. The mirror in the room was about chest level at me and I had to stand back a far bit to see a full portrait view of my outfit.

 

“You look fine.” Toni reassured. I bit my cheek. I knew she was trying to be supportive but Toni had never met the Blossom’s. Thank God!

 

Toni was still clad in her pajamas, if you could call them that. She wore some oversized band shirt, that had  _ The Tyrants  _ branded across the front in red and black cotton shorts. The shirt was from her friends (failed) band. It was nearly 8:30 a.m. and classes started in 15 minutes so I took it that Toni wasn’t going to be showing up to them. That would no doubt earn a visit from the house mother but given the circumstances hopefully they can understand. 

 

It was quite for another little bit after that.

 

“Toni?” I whispered quietly looking at my reflection. I could see her face in the mirror too. I saw the top of her head perk up at my voice.

 

“Yeah?” She whispered back. I don’t know why we were so quiet. There was nothing more to hide, gossip spread fast here, everyone has a nose in everyone's business.

 

“Do you regret it? Any of it?” I asked playing with the front of my dress, making more wrinkles that I had just smoothed out. Why don’t we have an iron here? I didn’t really know if I wanted her to answer honestly. We were never together, we never even talked about us. We never held hands walking down the hallway or went on a date or called each other pet names. We were never anything more than secret glances and notes passed and bathroom hook-ups and late night rendezvous. It isn’t like we were in  _ love.  _ Maybe I’m just what’s convenient for Toni. If she wanted to get with anyone else in the school they’d have to worry about sneaking into their dorm at night, especially if they had a roommate. I was what was easiest. I don’t want to be what was easiest. I wanted the hand holding. I wanted to do all that romantic crap that you can see in cheesy rom-coms. I want to kiss in the rain, share milkshakes, serenade her with a boombox. But that’s never going to happen now. Maybe it was never going to happen.

 

“Of course not.” She answered after what felt like forever. I met her eyes in the mirror. She seemed a little taken aback that I had even asked that. “Why? Do you?”  She seemed worried.

 

I shook my head quickly. “No. Never.” It was the truth. I saw her nod. I could feel her eyes on me without directly seeing them.

 

“This meant something to me, Cher.” I heard her whisper. I turned around quickly, my dress umbrellaed around me before falling back in place. I met her eyes. 

 

“What? Why are you telling me this now?” I asked incredulously, nearly angrily. I wasn’t angry at her.

 

“It was never the right time before.” Toni mumbled playing with her sock.

 

“And it’s the right time now?!” I practically yelled.

 

“I’m not going to get another time!” Toni yelled angrily. “Why did it not mean something to you?” She folded her arms across her chest. She didn’t look dissimilar to a child throwing a temper tantrum in her posture. 

 

“Of course it meant something to me!” I bit back, matching her tone. “I really like you, like  _ really  _ like you. But I really wish you didn’t tell me, Toni, because it would be so much easier to leave behind a fling than it would be a missed opportunity.”

 

“Wait! You’re planning on just ‘ _ leaving me behind’ _ ?” Her eyes were wide, she seemed hurt. 

 

“Well you can hardly expect my parents will let me keep in contact with you.”

 

“You can make an effort, Cheryl. This clearly doesn’t mean that much to you as you say you do if you’re willing to just let it go.” Toni stood up. Angry tears prickled around her eyes.

 

“You wouldn’t understand. You don’t know what they’re like.” I whispered softly. I rubbed my arms soothingly, trying to comfort myself. “I'll do my best Toni but I already know that they’re going to strip me of all communications. I probably won’t even see the light of day for the next couple of weeks.”

 

“I don’t want you to leave with us fighting.” 

 

“Me neither.” I agreed. 

She pulled me into a hug and we stayed like that for a while. It was soft, nice. I tried to stop my mind from wondering what it might have been like if we were like this from the start. I lifted her chin and her lips met the space between mine. It was sweet and gentle, we were both acutely aware of how fragile the other was. It wasn’t an intense battle of dominance like our other kisses were, there was no biting or hair tugging. It was heavy, like there was a finality tied to it. We were aware that it was probably our last kiss. Neither one of us seemed to want to break it but it couldn’t last forever. 

 

“I’m really going to miss you telling me to clean the room, I’m probably going to get mice once we leave.” Toni giggled, I think she was trying to mask the tears that were threatening to fall.

 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without having to clean up after a slob.” I joked back with a smirk.

 

“I know you secretly enjoy it.” Toni teased with the prettiest smile plastered across her face.

 

“Trust me, Topaz, I don’t.” I let her know. Toni laughed. 

 

Then there was a knock on the door.

 

And it was all over. 

 

Miss Rodwell led me out to the courtyard. She helped carry one of the cases. Toni followed us despite being in her pajamas. It didn’t seem to bother her. Miss Rodwell tried to discourage her but it fell to deaf ears.

 

I was a little surprised to see it was a driver who was picking me up. I don’t know why, it isn’t like father to travel out and see me in the first place, it would make sense that a driver would come collect me. I placed the cases in the trunk and turned towards Toni.

 

“I promise I’ll write to you if I can but you have to promise me you won’t write back.” I told her. Toni seemed a little upset at this but nodded anyway. “I’m going to miss you.” I squeezed her hand.

 

“Take this!” She exclaimed abruptly. It surprised me a little, the idea must have spurred at that moment. I watched as she twisted her snake ring of her finger. It was her prized piece of jewellery. She even slept with it. 

 

I nodded, silently. I watched as she slid it onto my finger. It reminded me of a proposal, except this was nearly the opposite of one. Rather than asking someone to be theirs forever, this was an acknowledgment that we may never again see the other.

 

“You should take this too.” I told her as I unpinned the spider brooch from my dress. Hopefully mother doesn’t notice its absence from my collection. “I’d pin it to you but I will not allow it to go on the stupid band shirt.” 

 

Toni giggled and took the pin in hand. “I understand.” She said with a nod. She surprised me with a kiss (It surprised with Rodwell too) It was quick but soft and gentle like the last kiss. We broke it because of our audience. 

 

“Goodbye, Toni.” I whispered. “I miss you already.”

 

“Please don’t make me cry in front of the principal.” Toni whispered back, tears budding in her eyes.

 

I sighed and walked towards the car. The driver had the door held open for me. Her was dressed in a suit. I imagine it’s uncomfortable to drive in one. I gave one last wave. I heard Toni stifle a sob. I had to bite my lip hard from doing the same. Miss Rodwell pulled her into an awkward side hug and I’m sure Toni had half a mind to shove her back. The driver shut the door. 

 

The door was shut.

 

Shut on that chapter for good.

 

I didn’t look back, it hurt too much.

  
  



	4. 15th of April 2004

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for homophobia and references to conversion therapy.
> 
> First Toniless chapter :( Prepare for a drought.

The trek up the driveway was the worst part of the almost silent drive. The impending doom of it all. It made my stomach drop. It was hard to prepare oneself for the wrath of a Blossom. Lord knows what they’re planning on doing to me. I toyed with the hem of my skirt some more. It  _ definitely  _ was no longer ironed and pressed to Blossom standard. I watched as the roof of the mansion came into sight from behind the towering trees and subsequently the rest of Thornhill. I never had any longing to be back here when I was at school, like some of the other girls did. This never felt like what home should feel like.  _ He  _ felt like home to me and sometimes I could feel home in  _ her  _ too but now they’re both gone and I’m left with  _ them. _ I felt the car come to a slow hault. The tires crunching on the pebbled driveway. The driver opened the door for me. I took a deep breath and inched my way out of the car. I saw  the door open and two of the wait staff came out to retrieve my luggage. I gave them a small smile and made my way towards the door. I smoothed out the creases in the dress as best I could, it still looked shit.

 

I took a small step into the hall. I didn’t see Mother or Father anywhere, which I supposed was a relief. I watched as the two men carried my luggage up the staircase and down the corridor towards my room.  _ My room.  _ I knew it was in my best interest to find Daddy before he found me. I began to walk towards his office. I noticed all their pictures of Jason had been taken down from the walls. I wondered what it would take for them to take mine down. I came to a halt outside his office. I had gone through what I would say to them a thousand times in my head on the drive back. I would apologize to them for disgracing our name and I’d listen to them berate me and I would take it. I’d do whatever they wanted me to until I got back in their good graces.

 

Except I didn’t. That never happened. I raised my hand to knock on his door when the door already opened. He wasn’t as tall as I remembered. It had only been 4 months since I saw them last. 

 

“Cheryl. I thought I heard you come in.” He sounded gruff but not angry.  He stepped out of the office and closed the door behind him. “Are you hungry?”

 

I nodded. I didn’t meet his eyes but I followed him towards the kitchen. His footsteps echoed through the empty house. When we walked into the kitchen I noticed the new chef. It didn't surprise me really. Father swaps staff out nearly every second month and if they aren’t fired then they normally resign. I don’t blame them. It’s a horrible job to have, working in a position with no possible way to move up the ranks. There is no head chef or head housekeepers, just slews of staff working independent of each other. Father doesn’t even like for them to talk to each other, he thinks comradery will make them grow lazy. The longest we’ve ever had staff stay was Nana June. She took care of Jason and I until we were 3. I don’t remember her much. I remember she let us sit on her lap, mother didn’t allow that very often. She claimed it was because there wasn’t enough room for the two of us on her lap. Or that we were too heavy. It never bothered June though when Jason and I tried to trapeze around her like we were climbing a mountain. Dad let her go after Jason and I started in a Montessori in Greendale. We went there until we were 6, it was private. We went to Riverdale Elementary at the start of 1st grade because Father wanted us to make friends with more of the local kids, to stop us from being inside all the time. 

 

“Cheryl this is Emmanuel, our new chef.” Father introduced. I gave him a polite smile and shook his hand. “Emmanuel, my daughter Cheryl.”

 

We didn’t stay in the kitchen very long. I took an apple and Emmanuel put a salad together fairly quickly before father and I went into the dining room, adjacent to the kitchen. He had a cup of tea. I seldom saw him eat outside of meals. “ We’ll have a family discussion once your mother gets back about all of _this._ ” He informed me. It was the first he had mentioned about what had happened yesterday. 

 

God, it was only yesterday.

 

I nodded at him and picked at the salad. 

 

Mother didn’t arrive home until much later that evening. Her eyes squared on me when she walked into the living room.

 

“You’re gay now?” She asked, condescendingly. She swayed a bit. Was she drunk?

 

“Em...em… I don’t em.” My eyes were wide and my mouth grew dry. She was much more direct than Father was.

 

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Where’s your father?” She asked, she took her jacket off and tossed it onto the sofa next to me.

 

“In his office.” I answered quickly. She hummed at  me and walked off.

 

I straightened up. I braced myself for what was to come. I heard shuffling from across the hall as my parents came into the room. The sat together on the opposite side of the sofa.

 

“Now Cheryl, I’m sure you’re aware we have to discuss this.” Father stated. I nodded and sat straighter, if that was even possible. “You’re sick, Cheryl.”

 

My brow furrowed. Are they not angry about the situation? Mother seemed angry her lip was tight and her shoulders tense and squared.

“I don’t understand.” 

 

“You aren’t well, Cheryl. Mentally we mean.” Father stated. Mother nodded her head. 

 

“Because of what happened? The inappropriate behaviour?” I asked.

 

“How on earth are we going to help her if she doesn’t even think she’s sick?” Mom asked Dad. She said it lowly but she never changed her tone to try and hide it from me. Father placed a hand over hers silencing him.

 

“I’m not sick.” I tried to say but Father raised a hand.

 

“We are going to get you help, Cheryl. There are places out there that treat  _ this _ ” Father said slowly, explaining this.

 

“I don’t understand.” I repeated.

 

“We’re sending you to therapy, Cheryl.” Mother stated abruptly with an eye roll. 

 

“Therapy?” I gaped.

 

“Cheryl, these things you thought you  _ felt _ for this girl. They weren’t real, they aren’t  **natural.** ” Father explained slowly.

 

I sat still. Where they going to electrocute me? 

 

“It’s disgusting.” Mother grumbled. 

 

I felt my posture fall and I looked down at my knees. I heard some parents throw their kids out after they come out, this is a step up I guess.  _ It doesn’t fucking feel like one. _

 

“You’ll start tomorrow. She’ll even come her.” Father informed me.

 

“What’s her name?” I asked quietly. 

 

“Dr. Audrey Quinn. She’s a psychologist, one of the best. Top-billing. She’ll make you better.” Father reassured. It sounded unnatural coming from him. He should be screaming. 

 

“She better.” I heard mother spit.

  
  


“Can I go to bed?” I asked.

 

It was 7:30. 

 

“Of course. Goodnight.” Father said. I left as quick as I could. 

 

My room was just as I left it, save the fresh linen and a dusting no doubt. My case was left on top of my bed. I left it on the floor. Tomorrow's problem. I climbed into bed in this stupid, God-awful white dress.  _ I am so never wearing white again!  _ I pulled the sheets up to my chin and sobbed.

 

The setting sun cast orange around the room through the open window, catching on trophies and picture frames. Everything was ablaze. How I wish this place would burn to the ground.


	5. Letter #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make sure you read chapter 4 also. These were posted on the same day.

**Toni Topaz**

**Dorm 18**

**Oswald House**

**Quiet Mercy Preparatory**

**14241**

 

**15th of April**

 

Hey Toni, 

               Everything sucks and I miss you,

                                                                   Cheryl xoxo

 


	6. 17th, 18th & 24th of April 2004

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow and short update, family shit. I've also hit a brick wall with where this story is going. I'm having trouble writing an interesting path from A to B, so if you have any suggestions and they fit the narrative I might try work it in.
> 
> ***WARNING, IMPLIED/REFERENCED HOMOPHOBIA, HINTED CONVERSION THERAPY

 

“Hi, Cheryl.” She had a sickenly sweet smile that never quite reached her eyes. She had dirty blonde hair that was pinned back tightly on her head. Her roots were growing out, a terrible grey-white. She had crows feet around her eyes and jowls that hung by her chin. I didn’t like her.

 

“Hmm.” I responded as I made myself comfier on the sofa. 

 

I did not want to have this stupid, pointless conversation with this ridiculous women. Highly recommended my ass. She probably wrote all of her recommendations herself. She stared in at me with her thin eyes, I found it hard to read her. I couldn’t tell if she was pissed off or disinterested. I didn't really care enough to try hard her. 

 

“Now I’m sure your father told you but my name is Dr. Audrey Quinn. I studied in the-”

 

I rolled my eyes at her. Who was she trying to impress?

 

“Your name is doctor?” I asked with a scoff. 

 

“Yes. I studied hard for my title and I’m proud of it.” Her answer was quick and sharp, there was a small smile still plastered to her paper thin lips. It didn’t take much reading to know that wasn’t genuine. 

  
  


“Hmmm.” I answered looking down at my nails. I hated her already, why did she just assume I’d have the utmost respect for her simply because she has a doctorate. She probably got it in the back of a cereal box or something. She  **cannot** command my respect, she simply can’t. Idiots like her think they know everything, well they don’t.

 

“I can see you are not interested in the formalities, so why don’t we skip right to the questions?” She asked lifted up a clipboard and pen she had placed on the table between us. Before even asking any questions she scribbled down some sort of nonsense gibber. It was all probably fake. I trust this Doctor as much as a trust the five dollar psychic at the county fair. 

 

“Let’s.” I mumbled quietly as I watched her slip on her reading glasses.

 

“We’ll start off with the easy stuff.” She told me and I nodded. (Because I was the bigger person  not  because I believed her nonsense) “How old are you?” She asked with her pen.

 

“Seventeen.” I answered. She nodded. 

“And when was your birthday?” She asked 

 

“June 28th.” I mumbled, I don’t see how my parents think this will hell with my  _ illness.  _

 

“So you’ll be eighteen soon.” She phrased it like it was a question but it obviously wasn’t. I shrugged anyway. “Are you going to have a party?” 

 

I furrowed my brow. I don’t think I want one. “I haven’t thought about it.” I replied, I folded my arms across my chest. She took down more notes. I don’t know what sort of mumbo jumbo she is coming up with because there is know way this is at all helpful.

 

“What about last year, did you do anything nice?” She asked.

 

“Jason took me to a concert in Greendale.” I answered dully. I try not to think about him anymore. 

 

I saw her ears prick up and her eyes light at the name. “Now, who’s Jason?” She asked. I furrowed my brow at her, is she insane?

 

“My brother.” I answered in a nearly angry tone but not quite. Of course daddy never told her about him.

 

“I see.” She said with a nod. She looked up from her notes and at me. I averted my gaze. “And are you two close?” She asked.

 

“I thought we were.” I shrugged, she seemed ready to ask more question, like a tiger ready to pounce. I felt like a bunny. “I don’t want to talk about Jason.” I told her quickly. She scribbled some notes down.

 

“Of course.” She said with a weird understanding tone. I wanted to get sick. “Tell me about school then, did you like boarding school?”

 

“I guess.” I shrugged. “I’ve been there since I was 12.”

 

“You don’t miss home?” She asked.

 

As if.

 

This isn’t home.

“What is there to miss?” I asked back 

 

“You don’t get along with your parents?” She asked. 

 

I shrugged. I know that most sessions are meant to be private but I have a sick feeling that my father may have his finger in this one.

 

“Did you have many friends back in school?” She asked when she saw she wasn’t getting anywhere probing about my family.

 

“I was popular.” I substituted. 

 

“Who would you say was your best friend there?” She asked. I squinted at her.

 

“Toni was, I guess.” I mumbled. 

 

“She’s the reason we’re talking here today. Isn’t she?” Audrey asked, her voice laced with fake sympathy. God, she is the world's worst therapist. 

 

“My dad is.” I told her bitterly.

 

Audrey ignored it. “Tell me some more about Toni.” She instructed. I pulled my sleeves up to cover my hands.

 

“She started this year. She was my roommate. I liked hanging out with her.” I answered vaguely. 

 

“What sort of stuff did you do when you two  _ hung out. _ ” Audrey asked.

 

I glared up at her. Is this bitch looking for me to say we fucked? Is this even appropriate. Are adults even allowed to ask about my sex life. This seems illegal.

 

“We’d listen to music.” I answered through gritted teeth. Is this session nearly over. 

 

“What kind of music?” 

 

I hated her.

 

“Whatever was on my iPod. Toni doesn’t have much besides her friends bands CD’s.” I told her.

 

They’re all shit too. 

 

Audrey nodded. “Did you two get along right away?” She asked.

 

“No. I was meant to have a single room so I didn’t like sharing at first.” I told her, fidgeting in the chair. 

 

“Are you not used to sharing?” Audrey asked.

 

“My parents got me whatever I asked for growing up for christmas and my birthday and all that. I had want I wanted.” I shrugged, I wouldn’t consider myself spoiled though. 

 

“And Toni, she forced you into an unfamiliar environment?” Audrey prompted. I furrowed my brow.

 

“No, I’ve had roommates before. It’s standard from grades 6 to 11.” I answered. My brow was furrowed. 

 

“But none like her?” Audrey asked.

 

“I guess not.” I looked down at my feet. “Can we be finished now?” I asked. I was staring at my feet again.

 

Audrey nodded and finished writing up her notes. “I’ll see you again next week, Cheryl.” She told me. She walked out of the room, no doubt to talk to my parents about her  _ findings _ . 

 

She is the worst. 

*********

 

I sat at the desk in my room staring at the blank page before me. I didn’t know what to say to her. It’s only been 48 hours and I can’t think of anything to say to her anymore.

 

Except there is. I want to let her know that I miss her, that I wanted us to  _ be  _ something. I didn’t want to be just another lay to her, she never felt like one to me. That isn’t something I can just write to her though. She deserves more than words on a page. 

 

*********

 

“How are you today Cheryl?” She asked sitting in the same seat as last week with the same fake smile.

 

It must be a boring job, recycling the same lines and faces to people.

 

“Dandy.” I responded without looking up at her. 

 

Mother and Father never said anything to me about last weeks visit, they never even asked how she was, or if I liked her. Maybe they don’t care near as much about her as I thought they did. That was good, I suppose. I could relax a bit. 

 

I heard her hum at the response and began writing her notes. I’d love to see what  _ psychoanalytic bullshit  _ she was spewing down on her notes. 

 

“Your parents told me you started at a new school this week, how is it?” She asked

 

Riverdale High?  Disgusting. It’s overcrowded and has horrible staff. The kids are unhelpful and it’s a maze to navigate. Worst is they all know who I am, thanks to Jason and Polly no doubt. I can’t remember any of them elementary. Some give me sympathetic smiles as I walk passed them in the halls, most just give a whisper to the person next to them. They’re horribly obvious at giving away when they are looking at me. It’s like they don’t even try to be discrete. 

 

“Fine.” I answered, playing with my hair. 

 

“You’re fitting in fine?” She asked. 

 

The  _ buddy  _ they gave me to help fit in and show me around was a bumbling buffoon. Ethel somethings was her name. Really unfortunate name. Like a grandmothers really.

 

“Yeah.” I muttered as I pulled at the split end I found. I stopped myself as quickly as I started though (Mothers training.)

 

“You don’t miss your old school?” She asked.

 

Of course I did. It was my home for nearly 6 years. 

 

“Not in the slightest.” I lied through my teeth.

 

“Not even  _ her  _ ?” She asked, I could see from the corner of her that she was leaning forward.

I faltered, and she saw it. I wasn’t giving the charade up that easily.

 

I shrugged.

 

She apparently wasn’t giving up easily either because her next question was “If Toni were here what would you say to her?”

 

I furrowed my brow, what would I say? I missed you is the first thing that springs to mind. I also thought about giving out to her for initiating the heated moment that started this mess but really I know what I’d say to.

 

“Sorry.” I replied quietly, the first honest answer of the session.

 

“Why would you apologise to her?” Audrey asked me, pen at the ready.

 

I tugged at my sleeve. “Because it’s my fault she’s all alone now, now we both have no one. Because I got her in trouble, I should have stopped her before we got caught.”

 

“You think it’s your fault? The sin you committed, you think full blame falls on you?” She asked.

 

I froze, I think I spoke too much. It wasn’t a sin. Or maybe it was, it felt wrong but that’s what was right about it all. I knew it would never be approved of but it never felt sinful. I started to shake slightly, my breath quickening. 

 

“Cheryl, breathe.” Audrey instructed.

 

Everything sounded like it was underwater, her voice so far away. She gripped my hands, my head shot up, our eyes locking.

 

“Follow my breaths.” She instructed and I did. My chest hurt.

_ In and out, In and out, In and out  _

 

“Do they happen often?” Audrey asked, her hands were still over mine. 

 

“I guess, in the past couple of days more than normal.” I replied, I moved my hands from her grip and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I let out a few more panting breaths.

 

Audrey reached for her notes again, she seemed pleased. 

“That’s good, Cheryl. Your body wants you to get better.” Audrey told me.

 

I stayed silent. 

 

None of this good. 


	7. 26th of April 2004

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheryl learns some upsetting news about Jason, deals with some of the characters Riverdale High has to offer and makes her first friend there.
> 
> **WARNING** Implied Homophobia

I pulled my books tighter against my chest as I walked down the hallway, it was a shield. Protecting my heart. I just had to wait until the start of June and then I could leave it all. 

 

With what money.

 

I walked along the hallways and looked at the stupid class photos they had hung along the walls. If Mother and Father sent me here to begin with maybe none of this mess would have happened, no shame, no sessions with Audrey, no hurt in my heart by the absence of a pink haired girl. I could’ve sat in that class photo. 

 

“Are you Jason’s sister?” A voice asked breaking my thought.

 

I looked up quickly. There was a blonde looking down at me, she seemed angry. I didn’t recognise her from any of my classes but to be fair I don’t pay attention in any of them. Her face seemed pulled up and strained by a tight ponytail on the crown of her head. 

 

“I am. What’s it to you?” I asked, holding my shield tighter. I put on my best bitch face. I may not know where I stand in this school but I certainly don’t stand under the foot of blonde brats. 

 

“Where is he?” She asked with bitter and malice laced around her words. I squinted up at her. 

 

“If I knew there wouldn’t be a police search out for him, would there?” I asked back angrily. I admired her for coming up to me and not whispering beside her locker but I will not be talked down to. I made my way around her, leaving the conversation when she gripped onto my arm. 

 

“I don’t care what distraught sister act you’re putting on, I know he’s in contact with you. I need to send one to my sister.” She said in a hushed voice, still angry. Her grip as tight. Eyes around eyes peering in on the conversation.

 

I haven’t heard from Jason since he took off. I don’t know where this bitch is getting her sources from.

 

“You’re Polly’s sister?” I asked with a raise of a brow. She rolled her eyes.

 

“Look, will you pass on a message? I need to know if she’s safe. No offense but I don’t trust your slime of a brother.” She told me, letting go of her grip. I shook my arm dramatically once she let go. 

 

“Wow, you’re really convincing me to get on your cause.” I said sarcastically. “Look as much as I don’t want to help you, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I haven’t heard from Jason since he left. No emails, or texts, or cryptic letters.” I explained with a sigh, loosening the grip of my books. 

 

The blonde threw her head back and sighed. She balled her hands into fists and they started to shake. “Stop lying to me. When I spoke to Polly last, she said that Jason gave his  _ sister  _ their new number. So just give it over.” She said with emphasis on sister.

 

“Well I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, maybe you’re just as crazy as your sister because Jason never gave me a number.”

 

“Polly told me last month-” She began to fight me again.

 

“Wait last month?” I asked in shock.

 

Polly could find time to talk to her stupid sister and Jason couldn’t even try to make contact with me.

 

“What? Yeah, last month Polly… Are you okay?” 

 

“I have to go.” I told her, angrily as I marched away. 

 

He’s a dick. After everything I did to help him and his shitty girlfriend, this is how he repays me. Angry tears budded in my eyes but I squeezed my eyes shut, willing them to go away. That is the last tears I shed over him. He is not worth them.

 

I shouldn’t have walked with my eyes closed angrily, because I walked straight into a brick wall of a person. 

 

I stumbled but regained my footing, my face red with anger and now embarrassment. 

 

He was some jock dick. Complete with the letterman jacket they never seemed to take off. I recognised him from a few classes, he was loud and liked to interrupt.

 

“Hey watch where you’re going.” He called angrily before looking at me. A little smirk played on his lips. “If you wanted a feel sugar, you could of just asked.” He told me displaying his abs through his shirt by moving the letterman jacket. I rolled my eyes and picked up my books that went on the floor after our collision. 

 

I ignored the wolf whistles him and his friends let out as I bent down to pick up the books. 

 

I hate this school.

 

I walked into my English Lit class, surprisingly I wasn’t late. I hated the class but we had assigned seats which I was thankful for. I hated feeling like I had stolen someones unofficial seat. They would just bore their eyes further into the back of my head when I did, I could feel it.

 

I don’t know why I started to write the letter but I did. 

 

**_Toni Topaz_ **

**_Dorm 18_ **

**_Oswald House_ **

**_Quiet Mercy Preparatory_ **

**_26th of April_ **

 

_ Hey Toni, _

 

_ Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I tried to I really did. At the end of the day I would always sit at my desk and try to write out the letter but I can’t get further than I miss you. _

 

_ I do, really bad. Everything sucks back home. Riverdale is a shitty town. It’s sad that we’ve both been here all this time and I only got to meet you in September.  _

 

_ Once I turn 18, I’m leaving here. I don’t know where I’ll go but I can’t stay. I just can’t. I think I understand why he had to leave now. Riverdale just sucks the light out of people. You can leave with me too if you want, I know you’re aunt probably will stop you. And I understand if it’s some loyalty thing to your gang. I just can’t stay here. _

 

_ My parents are making me go to therapy. The therapist is a bitch, they’re trying to pray the gay away. It’s a waste of time really.  _

 

_ The kids in school are all idiots. _

 

_ Get this, Jason’s girlfriend has been keeping in touch with her sister. I found out from her today, she seems like a real uptight bitch. He told Polly that he has been keeping in touch with me, I think that’s what hurt the most.  _

 

_ That I’m not worth the phone call.  _

 

_ I really wish none of this had never happened, I’m sorry Toni, _

_                                                                                               Ch _ _ eryl _

I hesitated. Before adding  _ xoxo.  _

 

It shouldn’t have been such a big deal to add the x’s. It wasn’t in the first letter. 

 

I didn’t like the feeling in my stomach that told me things were changing.

 

The bell rang, another class wasted.

 

“You writing an essay or something, Cherry?” The same douche who I walked into asked, lifting the letter off the table. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

 

“Hey!” I protested, angrily. I leapt from the seat, trying to grab the paper back off the jock.

 

“What kind of dude spells his name like Toni?” He asked, skimming through the letter. I tried to grab it off him but he was taller than me and just moved to avoid me each time.

 

“Dude check it out, Quiet Mercy, that’s a girls school.” His friend pointed out looking over his shoulder, pointing out the address. “Toni’s a chick.” 

 

I tried again to grab the letter off him. It was useless. 

 

“Pray the gay away” He read under his breath. My heart sank. His eyes grew wide and he smirked. “I didn’t know you liked pussy, Cherry.” He told me with glee in his eyes. His friends behind him snickered. I grabbed the letter off him and crumpled it up. 

 

If I was angry after my talk with Polly’s sister at this point I was seering. 

 

“One night with me you’d forget all about, Toni.” He told me. I ignored him and headed to the door, throwing the letter in the recycling as I left.

 

I wound up in the girls bathroom, breathing heavily. Jocks are all dicks, I wish this school would explode. I wish the floor would just swallow me up. 

 

My grip on the sink was tight as I watched the water droplets fall off my nose. I rinsed my face to cool it down. 

 

I’m calling it a day, I can’t stay here any longer. 

 

As I left the bathroom a voice called after me.

 

How much more does the universe want to throw at me? How much more can I take?

 

“Hey, Cheryl.” The voice called.

 

“What?” I snapped shortly. This kid stood in front of me with a sweater vest and swoopy hair. He seemed like a kitten.

 

“I’m Kevin, we’re in English Lit together.” He introduced.

 

“What? You wanna take your turn to humiliate me or something?” I asked squinting my eyes at him and folding my arms over.

 

“No, of course not.” He replied immediately. He almost seemed offended at the accusation. “I just thought Toni might like her letter.” He said handing over the letter. “Don’t worry I didn’t read it.” He promised.

 

“Why?” I asked taking the letter from him. I slid it into my notebook to stop the corners from folding back into a ball.

 

“I’m like you.” He whispered, leaning in closer to me. I furrowed my brow at him, what does he -oh

 

“Oh, em, I’m not like, I don’t know any... I can’t hook you up with someone.” I told him, fumbling over my words.

 

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not looking for you to set me up,  _ trust me.  _ I just think people like us should stick together.” He told me, his teeth were insanely white.

 

People like us.

 

“Okay, well I was planning on ditching these last three classes if you wanted to join.” I offered.

 

“My dad’s the sheriff. If he caught me skipping classes he’d…” He trailed off. 

 

I wonder if his parents knew about him. 

 

“There’s no pressure, just an offer.” I told him with a shrug. “Thanks for the letter.” I turned around to leave this hellhole. 

 

“Wait.” He said catching up with me. He tucked on of his arms under mine “You’re going to be a bad influence on me.” 

 

I laughed at him. Maybe this school wasn’t all bad.

 


	8. 26th of April 2004

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheryl and Kevin have a friends date in Pops
> 
>  
> 
> ((This is a filler chapter sorry :(, no warnings for the chapter though ))

“Nice car.” Kevin complimented as we snuck into the student carpark. I wasn’t too sure how well guarded Riverdale High was. I’m sure the dip in my attendance will be noted but wil there be a teacher on look out to catch us leaving? I hope not. 

 

“Thanks, she’s my baby.” I said, rubbing the side of the convertible. Daddy must’ve had it in for a paint job since Christmas. I didn’t think it had to do with being kind but more to keep up appearances. Never the less I did appreciate it. 

 

“Where to?” Kevin asked as he slid into the passenger seat and I started up the engine.

 

I don’t know much of Riverdale, which is sad because I grew up here. I only spent about 4 weeks a year here since I was 12, we used to go away for the Summer. 

 

“You decide.” I told him as I pulled out of the car park undetected.

 

“You hungry? We could go to Pops.” He suggested. 

 

The entire school raged about this dinky little diner. I don’t remember ever being. 

 

“Sure.” I shrugged.

 

Today was really a whole load of firsts for me.

 

Kevin played with the radio as I drove to Pops. The town is so small we got there in two and a half songs. Kevin and I share a taste in music that I can appreciate. 

 

It looked like what I expected it to. A tiny diner at the side of the road. It was pretty empty inside, that was probably more to do with it being the afternoon on a weekday but still. With all the rave I’ve heard about it I expected it to be a bit busier. 

 

A bell rang above the door as we walked in causing the old man behind the counter to look up from wiping it down. He had a smile on his face. 

 

“Kevin!” He greeted happily. “Who's your friend?” He asked, nodding his head towards me.

 

It was actually nice to have someone not recognise me for once. 

 

“This is Cheryl.” Kevin introduced for me. I gave a small smile and a wave. 

 

Kevin took my hand and pulled me towards one of the booths. “Have you never been here before?” He asked a little shocked.

 

“No, we have catering staff.” I told him offhandedly. 

 

God I sound snobbish.

 

“Wow, just how rich is your family?” Kevin asked, amazed. I shrugged.

 

“So, what’s good here?” I asked, changing the subject and looking through the menu. Like to be expected with a diner, it was mostly burgers.

 

“I mean like the burgers are great and all but what most people come here for is the milkshakes.” Kevin explained as he turned the menu to the back where there was a milkshake selection. 

 

People come to a diner for a milkshake?

 

I skimmed through, they really just had the classics, nothing too over the top. Kevin says sometimes he does holiday shakes for a limited time.

 

“You ready to order?” A waiter asked walking up to us. We placed our orders and under Kevins duress I ordered a shake.

 

“So is Toni like your girlfriend?” Kevin asked once the waiter left. He really doesn’t wait for the moment to arise naturally. I felt comfortable around him, which is surprising. I didn’t think there would be a single person left there in the world that I could relate to. Not since her, and certainly not since  _ him.  _

 

“No. We never dated.” I answered him honestly. I drilled my nails down on the table.

 

“Oh.” Kevin said he nearly sounded disappointed. “So you’re single then?” He asked, with a small smile playing on his lips.

 

“I mean, I guess so.”  I shrugged. Kevin’s smile widened. “I’m not looking to date anyone though.” I told him. Then it deflated.

 

“You don’t want to see what Riverdale has to offer?” Kevin asked with a pout.

 

“I already have.” I told him with a shrug.

“What?” He asked with a raise of a brow.

 

“Toni is from Riverdale as well.” I told him, picking at the skin around my nail.

 

I looked back at him and he was grinning like the cheshire cat. 

 

“As in Toni the serpent?” He asked in a hushed tone despite no one being around us. 

 

I nodded. I didn’t think he would know her because she was from the other side of town, but apparently Kevin senses all the gays in town.

 

“Omigod, that is amazing. You boned a serpent.” He leaned back in awe. I went a bit red.

 

“Well, I’ll probably never see her again so.” I shrugged. It was meant to come off as indifferent but it came out as sad. I sighed. Kevin reached a hand forward and rubbed mine. 

 

“You should come out with me this Friday night. There is 2 dollar drinks in that tragic gay bar Innuendo, me and some friends are meeting up. Maybe it will help you settle back here if you had a circle of people.” Kevin offered. 

 

“I don’t have a fake ID.” I told him, dismissing the invite.

 

“They don’t card, if they did they’d get no business. It’s only old perverts and young gays who don’t know where to find other gays.” Kevin explained.

 

“I’m surprised your dad hasn’t tried to shut it down then.” I said. Not carding minors is a felony I’m pretty sure. Especially if the establishment is aware of it.

 

“It’s pretty low key. No one's ever tipped them off before” Kevin explained. “So are you coming?” He asked.

 

I have therapy on Saturday mornings. Daddy would definitely say no if I asked could I go. He’d want me presentable to Audrey. 

 

“Fuck it, I’ll see you there.”

 

Kevin grinned happily. “You won’t regret it.”  He promised. The waiter came with our drinks. “Clink it.” Kevin ordered when I went to grab my milkshake (I got strawberry, Kevin got oreo)

 

“So you aren’t seeing anyone either?” I asked before taking a sip of the milkshake. “Holy fuck.” I whispered under breath.

 

That was the best thing I’d ever tasted in my life. 

 

“They’re good, right?” Kevin commented with a told-you-so look about him. 

 

“They’re okay.”  I answered, taking another sip. I’m not going to give him the satisfaction. I saw him roll his eyes.

 

“No I’m not seeing anyone. But there are a few guys. The dating pool here is pretty small.” He answered.

 

“Do they know about each other?” I asked, swirling the milkshake around. 

 

“I mean we don’t say it aloud but I think they know. I’m sure some of them have hooked up as well.” Kevin shrugged.

 

“So it’s not like a big gay orgy?” I asked with a laugh.

 

Kevin raised his brow, “You won’t find that here, if that's what you’re into, Blossom.” Kevin laughed.

 

“God no.” I laughed shaking my head. “So tell me about your gay group then.” I ordered him.

 

“Well there are six of us. Only two girls so sorry.” He apologised. I rolled my eyes, “Two serpents actually, they probably know your girl. We mostly just offer each other moral support.” He explained casually. 

 

“You made it seem like it was insane I boned a serpent but here you are with two.” I joked. 

 

“No, no, no. It’s not like that. I’ve never gone that far before.” Kevin explained. 

 

“Oh.” I let out, quietly. 

 

He doesn’t think I’m a slut or something like that does he. Because I’m  not . 

 

“I wasn’t kicked out of my last school.” I told him, I don’t know why I did.

 

He furrowed his brow at me. “I’m not shaming you Cheryl. I don’t care whatever gross stuff you do in the bed.”

 

“Oh.”

 

This is probably why I don’t have much friends because I don’t know how to talk to people like a normal person. Kevin probably thinks I am the biggest freak going. This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have invited him to skip school with me. He’s too pure anyway. I’d only corrupt him.

 

“This is weird, do you wanna pretend the last minute didn’t happen?” He asked with a smile. It was reassuring. I trusted him. But I don’t know why. I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t trust anyone.

 

“Please.” I said. Thankfully the waiter came with are food and I was able to change the topic to how surprisingly good the food was here. 

 

We stayed at the diner until school finished for the day. Talking about nothing. Kevin told me about the extra curriculars in the school. I told him I wasn’t joining anything for two months, he agreed. He talked a bit about the nightlife of the town. It’s dim at best. 

 

Then I dropped him home. He doesn’t have a mobile so he gave me his landline number and told me to call him if he needed anything. 

 

It wasn’t the worst day ever. I’d actually consider it a good one. 

 

Before stopping home I posted Toni’s letter. I kissed the envelope on the seal before sliding it into the letter box. 


	9. 30th of April 2004

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheryl takes Kevin up on his offer and goes to the gay bar. 
> 
>  
> 
> Slight Cheronica this chapter but it is a friendship in the story, also Bi!Ronnie
> 
> No trigger warnings this chapter,

I sat in my car debating whether or not I was going in for what felt like years, judging by the cars clock it had actually only been 15 minutes. This shouldn’t be that big a deal, it’s just a bar. Kevin said his friends were nice, they aren’t going to be like those dicks at school. They’re all like me. I took a deep breath before switching off the engine and sliding out of the car. I locked it and dropped the keys into my bag. I pushed my hair up and straightened my posture. I walked in there head high and shoulders out, I wasn’t scared of some bar. I can do this, I am Cheryl Blossom. 

 

It was nearly ultraviolet inside. Blue lights surrounded the walls making everyone seem a little washed out. The bar was busier than I expected, a queue surrounded the bar trying to catch the poor bartenders attention. I looked around for Kevin a little helplessly. I should have suggested meeting up outside the club. I dodged elbows as I walked deeper into the bar until I spotted Kevin sitting at a table with 5 others. 

 

They were all laughing, I nearly felt like I was intruding. Kevin looked up and spotted me, his grin widened. “Cheryl!” He beamed, happily. I gave him a smile and a wave as I walked towards the group. 

 

Kevin stepped out of the group and enveloped me in a hug. I patted his back until he released me, keeping his arm around my neck he introduced me to the group. “Guys, this is my friend Cheryl. Cheryl, this is Moose,Veronica, Mel, Dilton and  _ Midge. _ ” I didn’t miss the way his voice changed with he said Midge’s name. My brow furrowed but I didn’t think much of it. I gave the group a small smile. 

 

“It’s nice to finally meet the new  _ new girl _ .” Veronica told me holding her hand out for me to shake. I shook it but I did find it a bit odd for a seventeen year old.

 

“I take it you were the old new girl.” I said trying to strike a conversation as I sat down in the circle. I shook off my jacket placing it inside my handbag that was on the floor and pulling my purse out of my bag. 

 

“I am. I moved from New York in September.” She told me with a nod. She picked up her drink, some sort of pink-fruity cocktail, it definitely was not part of the two dollar beer offer Kevin had mentioned. She took a sip of it and smiled at me. “So boarding school, that’s what I’ve been hearing anyway. Can’t imagine it being that fun.” 

 

I shrugged. It wasn’t ever the most thrilling thing until this year rolled around. Things changed this year, but I wasn’t going to get into that in a bar with a complete stranger. “It’s better than home.” I told her. “I’m going to get a drink.” 

 

I stood up, I watched her pick her drink up. She placed her finger up to say  _ wait  _ and chugged the remaining cocktail. “Me too.” She said, I watched her lick the coloured sugar from around her lips. She saw me stare and smirked.  I blushed slightly and made my way down to the bar.

“Any recommendations?” I asked her, she leaned an arm through the row around the bar and pulled the cocktail menu out. 

 

She stared intently in the menu and back at me. “You seem like a berry bomb kinda gal.” 

 

I smirked a little. “What’s in it?” I asked, I moved closer to her. Some Britney song was playing making it harder to hear anything Veronica was saying. 

 

“Trust me, it’s up your alley.” She promised with a wink. 

 

I nodded against my better judgement. I watched as Veronica sauntered her way over to the bar, squeezing between two men clearly having a conversation. I tried to follow but by the time I managed to squish up beside her she had already brandished her card to the bartender. 

 

“Did you just buy me a drink?” I asked her, squinting at her. 

 

“I thought a pretty girl like yourself would be used to it.” Veronica told me casually, barely even looking back from where she stood waiting for our drinks. I knew she had to by looking though, to get some sort of satisfaction from how I blushed immensely. I hoped the blue lights helped mask it.

 

I felt guilty. I liked that Veronica saw something she liked it me. I didn’t know what she saw but I liked it. I missed Toni a lot, a lot lot, but I could see something in her in Veronica. I missed it, I missed the  _ look.  _ Maybe I’m a bad person but Toni and I aren’t together so there was no real cheating involved so letting Veronica buy me drinks and give me flirty eyes is fine. 

 

Veronica left the bar carrying two pale pink coloured drinks with a kebab skewer of strawberry and lime sticking out of it. “Thank you.” I said with a smile as I accepted on of the drinks from Veronica. 

 

Veronica and I sat in the corner of the circle. It was darker than most of the bar, the blue light above it was busted and was yet to be replaced. I hardly noticed the time pass. The rest of the group had gone to dance and every now and then one of us would disappear to buy another fun cocktail. I lost count on how many we had drank, which is always a bad sign. 

 

I was telling Veronica about my campaign for head girl (that I lost and still suspect voter fraud) back at Quiet Mercy Prep when I felt her hand on my leg. I paused in my story and looked down at it. Despite my better judgment I leaned closer. So did Veronica, before I knew what was happening I was kissing her. 

 

It wasn’t the same.

 

I’m not trying to say Veronica is a bad kisser because she wasn’t, she was far from it. But my stomach dropped, it didn’t feel right. She may have shared the same look as Toni but she didn't feel like her. My heart started to race as I felt her hand move further up my thigh. 

 

I broke the kiss and moved away from Veronica slightly. She seemed hurt but my mind was elsewhere.

 

“I’m sorry if I thought this was going somewhere else.” Veronica said, she didn’t sound like she meant it. I understood that, I did lean in and buy her two… three drinks. 

 

“No I’m sorry. It’s just I have this… friend… and I… I miss her real bad and-”

 

I never finished my sentence because I broke down sobbing. Veronica leapt from her seat and quickly moved us into the bathroom. I was walking like a baby deer and Veronica was no better. How much had we drank? 

 

“Hey, hey, you’re okay.” She reassured me as she pushed hair out of my face. It was sticking to the tears. 

 

I gurgled out some nonsense that she couldn’t understand before falling down onto the floor. She knelt down next to me, both of not caring in our current states how filthy these floors must be.

 

“I know, I know.” She whispered cradling my head.

 

“And I have to go to stupid Audrey in the morning.” I sobbed bundling my fist.

 

“Who’s Audrey?” Veronica asked me, her words slurring slightly as she put her head on my shoulder.

 

“My therapist.” I groaned placing my head in my hands as tears kept streaming.

 

“You see a therapist? How come?” Veronica asked me.

 

And suddenly everything I’ve been keeping inside all these months burst out and I told Veronica everything about Toni. How she kept cereal in our room, what her kisses felt like, why I got expelled and how my parents think all of it is sickening. 

 

Her face was a mixture of angry and sad. “That is sick.” She spat angrily and no one in particular. I sighed and traced small patterns onto my knee.

 

“I think I’m going to go home.” I told her pulling myself off the floor, using the sink to steady myself. 

“You can’t go back there.” Veronica argued. I rolled my eyes, I had to. I would get cut off otherwise and I couldn’t last by myself. 

 

“I have to go.” I repeated and made my way out of the bathroom and towards the main doors. I pushed them open with my entire body. How was I even planning on going home? 

 

Veronica followed, her heels clicking uneven patterns as she awkwardly ran after me. 

 

“Cheryl wait. I know we just met but you should stay at mine for the night. My parents won’t mind.”

 

“I can’t, I have to go home.” I repeated, swaying as I stood. The more I looked at Veronica the guiltier I felt. My stomach was in knots. 

 

“Cheryl Blossom you can’t go home!” Veronica barked angrily. 

 

Two guys who were smoking by the enterance perked up at that.

 

“Are you Cheryl Blossom?” One of them asked me. I squinted at him, he wouldn’t stay still long enough for me to try and recognise him. 

 

“What about it?” I snapped. 

 

“You know Toni.” He repeated with a sense of urgency. “Look you need to get in touch with her. She hasn’t been answering any of our calls in the last two weeks. Can you tell her to call Fangs back? Did something happen?” 

 

I noticed the Serpent jacket on his back. I turned around away from him. She won’t answer any of her friends calls. She used to waste all her phone credit on them. She’s all by herself there and I’m out here kissing Veronica’s. 

 

Oh god.

 

Oh god. 

 

Oh god.

 

I got sick on my shoes, the guilt eased up a little before I passed out.  


End file.
